Spanking: Punishment or Discipline?

When VK gave me Elise Sutton’s book, I wasn’t all that shocked with what I read. I had always been a dominant woman, but most just called me “Bossy”. I would laugh at that, but deep down I knew these people, both male and female, wanted what I had. VK used to ask me how I became the person I am. All I could say was that I am a very positive, open-minded person and always have been. I am not sure what makes us one way or another, but I do know that I want what I want when it comes to men. Women have always told me I am “lucky.” I laughed about that too. I don’t call it luck at all. I call it wanting what you want and not settling for anything less.

When I read Sutton’s book, in the back of my head I was thinking “I could have written this,” maybe not when it came to all she had to say about FemDom, but I already knew and agreed with everything she said about how a relationship should be between a woman and her man. This made it fairly easy for me to go from being just “bossy” to being a dominant Goddess in a female-led marriage. Spankings were something VK spoke of early on in our relationship, way before we started this lifestyle. So I knew this was something he needed. I think he was always submissive and didn’t know it. He was raised in a “Leave it to Beaver” household. Lets face it, I think Ward was submissive and June was a “Dominate Woman”. It may not have appeared that way, but I have learned one thing as I’ve gotten older— nothing is ever as it seems.

If I spoke about spanking early in our relationship, I don’t think it was because I felt as if I needed it. Not on a conscious level anyway. I might have thought it could be fun once in a while just to spice things up. We joked about it now and then amongst ourselves and even with friends, but I never imagined that spanking would become a part of our relationship. I don’t know that I “needed” to have my ass spanked on a regular basis. Of course that was then and this is now. These days I admit that I really do need it, but not for the reasons one might think.

I use spankings as a way of keeping VK in line and to remind him who is the “Boss” :-). I honestly have gotta say he doesn’t step out of bounds very often, but if and when he does something I especially don’t like, I try to correct it right then and there. He may protest at first, but the pants do come down and he will go over my lap. But because we have grown kids at home, that often is not possible, so I’ll make a note to address the issue later when we have our privacy. In that case I’ll give him some extra hard swats with the paddle and tell him what he did that displeased me.

A couple of weeks ago I did step out of line. It wasn’t what I did, but rather what I didn’t do. I left on a Sunday morning for a business trip and forgot to call Goddess V when I had arrived safely at my destination. This, despite the fact that on my way out the door she reminded me to call her. Chalk it up as preoccupation with my job, misalignment of priorities or sheer stupidity. Whatever, it was clearly a screw up for which I deserved to be in the dog house. When I finally did call, Goddess V would not take my call. She didn’t speak to me until late afternoon the following day.

As any woman knows, not calling me was unacceptable, inconsiderate behavior. I don’t care how busy VK was. After a few hours of being annoyed, I got over it, but no way was I going to talk to him when he finally did call. I knew that cutting off his line of communication with me would feel worse than any spanking could. Mind you, 24 hours of zero communications with me didn’t get him totally off the hook though. The next weekend I had him kneeling naked at my feet, wearing his collar and licking my boots. That was a first for us and was something I’d been planning to try. While he was down there on his hands and knees and licking away, I gave his ass a few good swats with the paddle as a warm-up before turning him over my knee. I think I spanked him a little harder than usual as I reminded him how inconsiderate he had been. And by the way, I discovered I like having my man licking my boots… more than I thought I might… LOL. I told VK he can expect to be doing that a lot more in the future.

Goddess V is so right about how no communications with her made me feel horrible. It was my punishment for being an inconsiderate asshole. My greatest joy in life is my interaction with her, not only as my Goddess, but also as my wife, my best friend, my partner and my confidant. Knowing I let her down was bad enough, but by depriving me of interaction with her, even though it was limited to her voice on the cell phone, it was far more effective than the sting of a paddle or whip.

Here is where I think people confuse the real purpose of spanking. At least for me, it’s more about discipline rather than punishment. Discipline has to do with a regiment that becomes an established routine, whereas punishment involves some sort of action or retribution for a violation of an agreed upon rule or policy. I don’t particularly enjoy the pain of a spanking, but it’s not my aversion to that pain that causes me to “behave” as I should. If this were true, there would seldom be a need to spank me. Actually, it’s the act of receiving the spanking, not the resulting pain, that constitutes the driving force. It makes me feel submissive, which I enjoy, and why I want Goddess V to use the paddle on me. Consequently, and contrary to what one might think, should she want to punish me, NOT spanking me is actually a better way to accomplish it.

And for those who would ask how I felt about the boot licking: Goddess V had mentioned it in passing on several occasions so I knew it was something that interested her. I knew that at some point she would instruct me to do this, and also that I would willingly obey her. If my failure to call her gave her the incentive to finally command me to lick her boots, then I’m almost glad I failed to call. Because we learned something about each other that resulted in strengthening our D/s relationship. Being required to lick the boots of my Goddess is not a punishment in my mind. Like spanking, it’s more of a discipline that nurtures my submissive side. Knowing that it turns her on makes it all the more appealing to me.

I am not crazy about EVER putting VK down. I often reassure him that I never mean to disrespect him and ask him to please tell me if he ever feels that way. To me this has to be done in a loving manner or it wouldn’t work for me. After all, this is about loving female authority. I am still coming to grips with deliberately causing him physical pain, and whatever humiliation he feels as a result. But I realize that the man I dearly love enjoys feeling submissive. He wants it, needs it, craves it and thrives in a way he never did when our relationship was vanilla. That works for our relationship in so many ways that I guess only other dommes can fully understand.

For now I’ll close by saying that we have several friends who for the most part don’t seem all that happy in their marriage. Lately, some even seem to be jealous of the fact that VK and I get along so well. I’ve told VK to stop being so charming, he is driving everyone away..lol. My women friends LOVE him and they tell me how lucky I am to have such a man. There’s that “lucky” word again. I am Thisclosetotellingthemmysecret !!!!!!!

~ by veezknight on October 20, 2006.

16 Responses to “Spanking: Punishment or Discipline?”

  1. I think you must “let on” about parts of the secret. Gauge their reaction. You’ve got to help your friends, don’t you. Tell them just enough and see where it goes.

    If you do make sure to let us know how it went!

    BTW, I loved the back and forth in this update. There’s nothing better than having both perspectives side by side.

  2. I think you must “let on” about parts of the secret. Gauge their reaction. You’ve got to help your friends, don’t you. Tell them just enough and see where it goes.

    If you do make sure to let us know how it went!

    BTW, I loved the back and forth in this update. There’s nothing better than having both perspectives side by side.

  3. Wonderful post.

    I think the greatest service that blogs like this do is dispelling the harsh ugly images of female dominant relationships.

    Many women are put off by the idea of allowing their husband to be submissive because they are under the mistaken impression that they must become “evil.”

  4. Wonderful post.

    I think the greatest service that blogs like this do is dispelling the harsh ugly images of female dominant relationships.

    Many women are put off by the idea of allowing their husband to be submissive because they are under the mistaken impression that they must become “evil.”

  5. I agree with how enjoyable the back and forth writing style is.

    We have given two inquiring couples copies of Barbara Wright Abernathy’s Venus on Top and Emily Addison’s A New Bride’s Guide to Training Her Husband. I would give Sutton’s book to someone who has read the other two and wants more.

  6. I agree with how enjoyable the back and forth writing style is.

    We have given two inquiring couples copies of Barbara Wright Abernathy’s Venus on Top and Emily Addison’s A New Bride’s Guide to Training Her Husband. I would give Sutton’s book to someone who has read the other two and wants more.

  7. I gave my wife a copy of EA’s book almost a year ago and saved a copy of it on her computer complete with a convenient link. She hasn’t taken any of the advise. What a shame.

  8. I gave my wife a copy of EA’s book almost a year ago and saved a copy of it on her computer complete with a convenient link. She hasn’t taken any of the advise. What a shame.

  9. Hi there,

    I have just finished reading your blog from the beginning, and I must say inspiring.

    My wife and I are moving towards a femdom lifestyle, I have shown her “around her finger” and interestingly I actually introduced her to the CB3K about a year ago which is kind of around the wrong way. I have worn it off and on since, but only recently shown her around her finger. I am not sure if she will want to delve deeper into femdom, I certainly can’t see her spanking me, though if it pleased her i would certainly submit to it.

    Just a hint if you have not done so already, get some solid A rings (no hinge), far more comfy…also a KSD not only helps security but it keeps things lined up for bodily finctions and its generally more comfortable despite its appearance. I have worn mine for 2 weeks straight without a break with no real physical reason for release…mentally yes but physically no. BTW I run 4Kms/day and work out everyday while wearing it. Doesn’t bother me at all. I even use the communial shower…which can be a bit risky sometime but showering face to the wall then a strategic towel placement has gotten me through some nervous moments.

    I was thinking of documenting my journey in a blog, but it seems there are just so many springing up regarding FLR that it would be a “me too” blog.

  10. Hi there,

    I have just finished reading your blog from the beginning, and I must say inspiring.

    My wife and I are moving towards a femdom lifestyle, I have shown her “around her finger” and interestingly I actually introduced her to the CB3K about a year ago which is kind of around the wrong way. I have worn it off and on since, but only recently shown her around her finger. I am not sure if she will want to delve deeper into femdom, I certainly can’t see her spanking me, though if it pleased her i would certainly submit to it.

    Just a hint if you have not done so already, get some solid A rings (no hinge), far more comfy…also a KSD not only helps security but it keeps things lined up for bodily finctions and its generally more comfortable despite its appearance. I have worn mine for 2 weeks straight without a break with no real physical reason for release…mentally yes but physically no. BTW I run 4Kms/day and work out everyday while wearing it. Doesn’t bother me at all. I even use the communial shower…which can be a bit risky sometime but showering face to the wall then a strategic towel placement has gotten me through some nervous moments.

    I was thinking of documenting my journey in a blog, but it seems there are just so many springing up regarding FLR that it would be a “me too” blog.

  11. Great post. The whole spanking thing is a bit mystifying to me. My hubby likes it. I feel guilty about inflicting any pain, but kind of like it. More Guilt. Definitely not real punishment for us. Maybe I need a bigger paddle.LOL

    Also your thoughts on hyprocites/politicans on another blog were much appreciated.

  12. Great post. The whole spanking thing is a bit mystifying to me. My hubby likes it. I feel guilty about inflicting any pain, but kind of like it. More Guilt. Definitely not real punishment for us. Maybe I need a bigger paddle.LOL

    Also your thoughts on hyprocites/politicans on another blog were much appreciated.

  13. My wife and I had moved apart. She had no libido and my constant demands for sex were pushing her away. I felt ignored, rejected and generally pretty low. I could not get her turned on. Sure if I pestered enough I would get sex but it would leave me feeling empty. None of the enjoyable light feeling that I would have when we were first maried.

    I sent her a link to a female lead mariage site once almost as a bit of a joke and then said to her maybe we should try this sort of thing. At first she was not sure about it and she was really not into spanking me. She was also thinking that somehow this would mean that she had to do all the thinking and make all the decisions and that somehow the submissive person would be somekind of brainless robot.

    Fast forward a couple of years. She runs the house at a high level but I make it happen. I love that she is aware of my feelings and she gives me attention. But that does not mean sex. We only have sex when she wants it but when I am not getting sex, I am still getting her attention. She actually asks how I am going. I can not tell you how much better that makes me feel. It is weird, like a goal to conqured. To see how long I can abstain from sex. I know that if I were on my own, I think I would get depressed. But each night she will ask how I am going. Sometimes, she will tell me how long until we are going to have sex and other times she wont. I am always though trying to look after her and make sure the mood is right and sometimes she responds with sex and when she does she enjoys it and I enjoy it. Occasionally she will get me to rub her and I enjoy that too. Even though I do not get release, I get a feeling of value by seeing her cum and just lie back with her eyes closed and smiling. It is now almost three months since I last came. I even have wet dreams like I did as a teen and that is kind of fun. But every day without fail she asks me how I am going.

    Initially she did not want to spank me. I do not get turned on by being spanked but I do like the way that it cements the roles. She in charge and me in submission to her. So I get punished for two things only. The first is that if I ever argue with her of fail to immediatly accept any of her decisions and the second is just to demonstrate my submission. A maintenance spanking. In both cases, it is erotic in a way but not such that I get turned on. I just stand lie on the bed and she hits me with a doubled over leather belt. It hurts like hell and unlike any spanking stories I have read where the spankee ends up aroused. I end up exhausted and just spaced out. I wear underwear so that there is no protection but also because if I were naked there would be a sexual element to it and we were trying to avoid that.

  14. My name is Silky. S.Mike and the only difference is I am a divorcee from
    Canada. I did not get along with N.Mike my husband primarily because I was
    almost insatiable in bed and even though I was loyal to him he thought
    otherwise. My FIL who had chosen me as his son’s wife remained in touch
    throughout the divorce. His name is Silky and he was a retired CEO of a
    big manufacturing unit. He often visited me when he was in Ottawa and we
    generally did have a good time together. One day he called me and told me
    he would be coming to Ottawa and his place of work was close to my flat so
    could he stay over? I said and yes and prepared the additional guest room
    for him. He duly came in the morning and we left for work together. He
    promised to have dinner with me and so I decided to come from work early.
    I don’t know what prompted me to put on all my makeup and additional
    things as I prepared as if it was a date. I chose to wear black loose
    T-shirt with tore one. As I opened the door for him I could see his
    appreciation at my efforts. He too got ready and came out. He suggested
    mixing drinks before we left so I had made a drink for him. While having
    it he let go of the bomb shell,” you know Silky you told me frankly about
    J.Mike’s problems, and now looking at you I think if he could not satisfy
    you he was not really fit for you,” he said and winked. I smiled and
    said,” So what kind of man is fit for me Daddy?” A man like me,” I
    shivered. He was a well-built man in his early sixties. I smiled and
    averted my eyes,” and what type of a man you are Daddy?” The type who
    attacks a woman as attractive as you are when she is dressed like this and
    then takes her to bed strips her naked and takes her till the time he is
    satisfied,” I shivered and stood before him before finally having the
    courage to speak,” but you have not attacked me till now,” because you are
    my daughter in law,” he said keeping his drink glass down.” Not anymore I
    am divorced remember?” I said needed no second bidding. He pulled me in
    his arms and putting his big hands on my buttocks kissed me full mouthed.
    I tried to push him away but he just held my hair and again forced his
    lips on mine making mine bleed.” Ouch you animal,” I said and pushed him
    away. Then I realized that my T-shirt was slightly torn down and my
    breasts were inviting my father in law.
    In my mind came the idea that my father in law showed
    submissiveness to me many times. Soon I shouted at him how dared
    you to talk like this. His dare ness flew away. Soon my father in
    law said did I speak something wrong. I went near to my father in
    law yes you have speak it and you will get punishment for that.
    My father in law said what kind of punishment? I said just pull
    down your jeans and I will spank you on your bare bottom. I saw
    flash I the eye of my father in law so I grabbed him and pull
    down to my knees and ordered him to be naked. Soon my father in
    law was naked he took out his Shirt, Jeans and brief and I pulled
    him on my knees and I started giving him spanking. I was spanking
    him by hand very severely and the intensity of pain was reflected
    by my father in law saying please mistress forgive me I will not
    misbehave like this in near future. But my anger was not stopping
    me; soon I took paddle and started giving with more intensity on
    my father in law’s bare butt. He cried like child please Mistress
    forgive me, SMACK, SMACK, SMACK, I shouted you sissy slave. I
    will spank you whole life and make you my panty slave. My father
    in law speak while sobbing I will do what you want my mistress
    but please stop now. But I paddled him for 50 swats more then I
    said stand up my cunt slave and my father in law got on feet and
    his face was filled with tears and his butt was like Red rose.
    I took his men hood in my hand, which was erected up to nearly 9 inch
    and around 4 inch in circle; I really found the amazing size of penis.
    My father in law was standing just like obedient children and I said
    your son had only 3 inches long but this is really massive pennies.
    From today I owe you and you are my slut slave for whole life .You has
    to satisfy my cunt otherwise I will satisfy your bare butt, do you
    understand my slave. Yes mistress was my Father in law’s reply. I said
    now give me good fuck my slave.
    It was not possible to wear a bra beneath my T-shirt and I took out
    my T-shirt and my jeans and panty. So my naked milky breasts were
    exposed, Daddy saw that and came near me by touching his hairy
    chest and holding me by buttocks kissed me hard while kneading my
    breasts hard. I responded and pumped his tool.” Now let me see if
    you too are good only to give me good fuck,” I said and encircled
    his tool. But that moment I knew I had taken on a challenge that I
    was bound to lose. He held me by hair and threw me on the sofa.
    Next moment I was crushed by his brutal weight as he kissed my
    Boobs and started to knead my boobs through my armpits and he said
    Mistress you have good hair in armpits and started licking the
    hair.” Nice ass you are really a great piece Silky my son should
    have never left you,” saying so he began licking my back sending
    waves after waves of pleasure throughout my body while his hands
    were busty he inserted one finger in my vagina to check if I was
    wet enough.” Slave Daddy take me like a bitch,” I said and hid my
    face in sofa. “Glad to” he said and made me sit on my knees holding
    the sofa. Then he raised and after a couple of brisk strokes to
    make himself hard he pushed his dick on the opening of my cunt.
    “Ahhhh…. Oh my you are big…” I sighed as he tried to ease it
    inside. Then relaxing that I was still too tight he simply yanked
    my hair and gave a brutal thrust in to insert his cock in my cunt
    completely. I cried out loud and then he grabbed both my breasts in
    his hands and started to fuck me like a bitch. Like it? Take it
    take it in…. Come on pussy take it” he was sighing while pushing
    his dick harder and harder inside my cunt. I was sighing and
    pushing his hands to knead my breast harder. I was not fucked like
    this for a long time and now intended not to let him go. After some
    time he eased me on my back on the sofa and hooked my left leg on
    the sofa back and then sitting on his knees he against started to
    fuck me fast while kneading my breasts and buttocks. I was sighing
    and asking him not to stop… Then I experienced a sweet orgasm and
    I shuddered but he slapped me lightly a couple of times and told me
    not to let go till he was spent. I was amazed at his capacity to
    fuck since we were going on for almost 20 minutes and still he was
    strong, every time we were near a climax and he would hold for some
    time. I pulled him on top of me and started to kiss his hairy chest
    while his cock was banging in me.
    From that day my Father in Law has become my slut
    slave and gives me very good fuck and I used to spank
    and cane him on my wish.He is my houseboy and do my
    all needful. Poor father in law under the control of
    dominating daughter in law.

  15. id love to met one of ur friends i want a female that will spank me

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