Those of us who have created websites or blogs that deal with loving female authority know through personal experience how well this lifestyle works. There is little doubt in my mind that most interpersonal relationships, as well as our society in general will eventually become female-led. Sometimes I wonder however, if perhaps those of us who actively promote loving female authority and FemDom may unwittingly create obstacles that hinder the transition to female leadership. It seems to me that we need to be careful to draw a clear distinction between reality-based and fantasy-based LFA/FemDom. Too often we are preoccupied with certain aspects of the lifestyle that, because they are more intense, for many people fall into the fantasy column instead of the reality column.
One particular blog written by a dominant wife, for many months has been preoccupied with cuckolding her husband. Relax, all you Katherine fans. I’m not judging or condemning this. Based on reader comments, a number of people find her writing captivating. But aren’t there also readers who find it disturbing? Elise Sutton warns that cuckolding is primarily a male fantasy, one with modest appeal to a majority of females. If this is true, and if our mission is to encourage more females to adopt this lifestyle (let’s face it, there are currently far more closet sub males than subhubs kneeling at their wives’ feet), doesn’t it follow that dwelling on cuckolding is likely to turn off female readers, even to the point where they may close their minds to it altogether? Sutton seems to think so, which is why she says she seriously considered excluding the subject from both her website and her book.
This is why Around Her Finger paints a far more conservation picture that essentially relegates all but the basics of loving female authority to shadows in the background. It’s a vanilla approach the Addisons figure will create a less threatening point of entry for a wider audience, with minimal opportunity for offending anyone, especially women. Just associating female authority with the already socially acceptable phrase, around-her-finger (which in my opinion was brilliant) casts LFA in a familiar, non-threatening light. It sounds so much less ominous than FemDom, don’t ya think? But make no mistake, it’s a euphemism for male submission to female domination. And that is D/s, plain and simple.
I have to confess that on Sutton’s site, I’ll sometimes read a letter or real life experience that scares the bejesus out of me. I’ll read and think to myself, “Are these people serious? No way!” On the other hand I sometimes feel short-changed and a little frustrated when reading on AHF at the Addisons’ persistent sidestepping around many FemDom issues simply because they might offend someone. Which approach is best and likely to be more effective in spreading the word? And where does this blog fit in? In which direction should I take it? I’m thinking about keeping it reality-based and positioned somewhere between the two ends of the spectrum. Any comments or suggestions?